Stop Trying to Change People


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You waste precious energy trying to convince others:

- to believe what you believe
– to like what you like
– that your opinions are right
– that you know better
– that you have all the answers
– that your suffering is greater than theirs
– that if they only did A, B, C all their pain would go away.


The only person you have ANY influence over – is YOU.

STOP trying to INFLICT your life lessons on others. STOP trying to convince people YOU have a better solution for them. STOP trying to force and control and change. STOP rehashing old shit with the intention of making someone see the light.

It’s exhausting.
And NEVER works.

FREE yourself from the need to convince anyone else of anything.
That’s THEIR walk.

Take what YOU know to be true,
and get to work on living YOUR crazy beautiful life.


Magic Life

magicI want to lie on the grass under the stars
and arch my back, and receive.

I want the maximum experience of life’s lovemaking.
The ultimate lover, life, in its deep tenderness
with hard edges
and soft moments
and penetrating truths.

I want to bend, and be broken open by soft touch
and hard exploration.
I want to give in to my feelings
I want to weep in ecstasy
and surrender fear to trust
in the hands that guide me to complete sate.

I want the slow burn -
smoldering coals of passion,
not because it torches but because it transmutes.
The great alchemy – magic
my life.

Allowing myself to be transformed
by Life.
by love.

Using my powerful self to choose
to change
to receive
to create.
to love.

I will allow Life to adore me.
to drench me in darkness and light and
to receive its Magic.

never forget: you are free


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take back what’s yours

slap your self-worth out of his grimy hands and
dust off your precious Light
with the tenderness of a mother
loving her child. From the Blog Post 12 Steps to Getting Your Personal Power Back by Martina McGowan From the Blog Post 12 Steps to Getting Your Personal Power Back by Martina McGowan

he is never going to see your beauty
he will not acknowledge your talent
he can not see your luminescence
because his heart sight has been taken
blacked out with toxic thoughts
and abusive behaviors
and words poisoned with booze on his breath.

you didn’t take it
you’ve done it all

kicked, screamed,
begged, pleaded,
cut and hung,
cried in desperation

was the good girl
tried to be nicer

tried to be
someone else.

- and i mean never – 

time to get a little tough, here


get a hold of yourself, sweet girl.
take control of the child he continues to manipulate and harm,
ignore and criticize.
let down and disappoint.

slap your self-worth out of his grimy hands
with the force of a woman.

gather your sisters around you,
summon your guides
call on the angels

and reclaim your Self from the
sludge that gets in your lungs and stifles your breath
and gums up your arms and legs
and paralyzes your action.

cut the cord that joins you to him
let him go.

KNOW that you are enough
CHOOSE yourself
NEVER forget



what we do and don’t need from you: on sex and sexuality



Where to begin.

It is empowering to see so many creative, talented and beautiful women like P!nk, Katy Perry, Shakira and Rihanna, and Lady Gaga leading the music industry.

purple blackBut, Beyonce’s latest album – self-titled Beyonce – is as visual as it is musical. And her video for “Partition” is pretty graphic. In fact, some people think it’s pornographic. asked readers what they thought of Beyonce “rubbing a pole between her booty cheeks and singing about being ejaculated on in the backseat of a car”. Some don’t see any issue with it.  (If you’d really like to, you can watch it here: 

Beyonce is the epitome of an empowered woman. She is a master of her art. She is married to a powerful man. She is a mother. A smart business woman. A movie star. And she is generating mountains of money. This isn’t the first sexy music video that she has released. And it certainly isn’t going to be the last.

But, here’s what I want you to know in response to one interpretation of the possible messages that video sends: You can be a powerful, intelligent, creative, sexual woman without having to show all your female parts in an attempt to earn the respect or admiration of those around you.

In fact, in the real world – the one you go to school in, the circles you hang out in, the world you work in – letting your sexuality lead you, can lead to misery.

Unwanted attention.
Stares and scowls.
Predatory behavior.

I’m not saying it’s right or fair, I’m saying, it happens

That’s the truth.

Too many times to count, as a young woman I gave away sex hoping I would find worthiness, acceptance, and love. I completely mistook my sexuality for my inherent value. And the two have so little to do with each other. Every time I gave myself away in the hope of finding love, I found less love. I received less love. I loved myself less.

Your body does not equal your worth. 

Anyone can have sex. Every one is born with body parts and will experience desire. Being sexy and having sex doesn’t make you powerful. In fact, until you’re ready and with someone you trust, it puts you at risk. #bigtruth

It is your divine right to discover and unleash your personal power into the world. We need your creativity, talent, feminine power and intelligence.

What we don’t need is more glittery bits and ass crack.

You do not need to show your tits or slide your ass up and down a stripper pole to be desirable, beautiful and worthy as a woman in this world. And choosing not to show all your parts in a world that expects you will doesn’t make you a prude, frigid or ugly. It means you’re learning to love and respect yourself.

Life will gift you with moments of passion. When the time is right, and when it is safe for you, I hope you will feel sexy, desirable and free.

Last thought: This is smart and powerful media. Even at 43, I feel the pull of the message “be sexy, be wanted” and “your body is the most important part of you.” I will never be Beyonce. I am only me. And I am good enough to love.

If you’ve given away too much of yourself, it’s okay. You’re not alone. You’re not broken. You’re not awful. You’re not damaged goods.

You matter.

start over


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neverstopstartingwith no apparent reason, a touch of procrastination and a heaping helping of self-sabotage you stopped trying. you stopped caring. your stopped doing.

you. just.. stopped…

and the days piled up on you like a mound of laundry in the corner, a lump of ignored opportunities to make a change, try again or start over.

it is never to late to begin again.

in fact, my motto is never stop starting

procrastination is a wicked ruler leading to missed chances and looming deadlines, messy bedrooms and toothaches.

procrastination kills dreams.

so, recover.
choose new.
take another run at it.
just begin.
start over.

it’s not failure that kills goals, it is the failure to persist that murders those dreams.

you know what works? action.

you can write a list,
you can think about it,
plan it out,
make a map of how you’re gonna get there,
be mean to yourself for all the ways you’ve screwed up (a-fucking-gain),

or you can just start over.
every damn minute if you have to.

don’t give up.
i’m cheering for you.

paint you, first


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paint you firsti see you spinning your wheels
embedding yourself deep in the mire and muck
of ludicrous lies and inaccurate thinking.

your thinking makes you small
your desire for ease makes you weak
your possibility is horizon wide
yet through a needle’s eye, you focus only on the freckle on your cheek 

you are the victim.
they do it to you.
you are innocent.
they are cruel.

‘look, good world, how kind I am and see how meanly they treat me’

(venomous words, like slow poison, paralyze your action.)

i can hear the excuses now
but, i’m not enough
i don’t know the answers
they hate me
they’re so rude
it’s too hard
i’m not good enough
i’m too fat
i’m too old
no one will ever love me
i can’t do it

pull out your toolkit
(you already have the skills)
the know-how
to heal yourself,
to make the world lighter and brighter.
to fix what ails you,
to choose again.

every moment, each decision of your life (with a flick of chance) has led you here.
‘here’ is not a surprise.

own it. be mad about it. piss and wallow and whine
and then get the fuck up and do what is required to grow through it.

you are the master artist of your life.
paint a magical picture rife with colour and vibrancy and feeling and emotion.
cry when you hurt, pour it out on the soil like blood – roll around in it. feel it.
show your teeth when you laugh in ridiculous pitch and frenzy,
let joy wrinkle the corners of your eyes and press lines into pink on your cheeks.
kiss deep and without thought.
let passion rise up from your gullet and flood someone else’s world with adoration.
pour your words with thoughtful intention onto someone else – – feed them; soothe them, they are dying of thirst.

you weren’t brought to this earth by chance or mistake
to ooze misery and cave in on yourself, broken.

you were brought here to thrive.
to feel
to make love
to laugh
to kiss
to create

to paint.

paint you, first.
and then unveil your masterpiece to the world.

you can’t pick your parents


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some of us were born to amazing, fair and unconditional adults who moulded and shaped our lives modelling functionality, contribution and security.

some of us were born to people who smothered, suffocated, stifled and controlled us.

still others were born to broken humans who taught us panic, fear, torture, anguish and torment.

and some of us were born in the middle somewhere
in the layers of family dynamics that fall in between the extremes.

how is it some of us are born to superstar parents while others are born into pain? is it the luck of the draw? is there a Master Plan drawn by an unseen hand? some new age thinkers believe that all souls enter an agreement before they arrive to the human experience and that we each CHOSE our parents in order to learn karmic lessons. i don’t have the answers and i don’t believe any one person knows the ‘truth’ – whether it is all by chance, or choice.
annebut here’s what i do know: the only thing you control in your life is you. YOUR words. YOUR thoughts. YOUR actions. that’s it. you have no control over anyONE or anyTHING else.

attempts to change others will always be futile. this goes for partners, co-workers, lovers, best friends, siblings and children. your parents may not ever be able to give you what you believe you need from them. parents are actually just children in bigger bodies. no lie.

but you CAN change YOU.
you CAN parent YOURSELF.
you CAN give yourself what YOU need.

it’s frightening [and a fraction empowering] to go against your parents – whether you are 14 or 44. we’re taught to obey them, or risk being unloved. and they may not react kindly or ‘like’ what you’re doing with the life they gave , especially if you distance yourself, lash out or ‘break the rules’. but, i believe there is a way to honour them, while walking your own path. it doesn’t have to be their happiness or yours.

you might be young, and feel trapped at home.
[start dreaming about your own grown up life and the wonderful ways you'll live it. you won't be under their roof forever.]
you might be newly on your own and feeling lonely.
[what if you learned to parent yourself? by this i mean, look after your inner child the way a mother does, or the way your WANTED your mother to look after you.]
you might be angry and resentful and in pain over the relationships you’ve had (or haven’t had) with your parents.
[reach out. get help sorting through the crap. this healed me in ways nothing else has.]

you don’t have to repeat old patterns of behaviour. you don’t have to play the same tired, old game anymore. you certainly don’t have to endure emotional, psychological, physical or sexual abuse. you can choose a new way to be. it’s a choice. [almost like choosing bacon or sausage with your eggs, maybe a wee bit harder]

but it takes big, fucking guts.
& courage
& moxie
& gumption.

being the grown up and looking after yourself ain’t for the faint of heart.
it takes practice.
there will be ups and downs.
but it’s doable.

take note: taking care of or parenting yourself doesn’t have to be a big announcement you make at your next family gathering over turkey dinner.

“A-hem, by the way, since ya’ll fucked up, I’m taking over from here,
thank you very much – please pass the carrots.”

there is no need to be dramatic, attack, open that can of worms or point fingers. dealing with family issues can come with explosive emotions.

your parents may not appreciate your critique of their life’s work, imagine that. it may be best as a personal observation, followed by a subtle and delicate shift – private. internal. like you’re saying a prayer, snuggling a baby, or petting a sleeping cat. you’re just going to choose to take care of you whether anyone else notices or not.

and know this: your experience is your experience. your brothers and sisters might not share your thoughts or opinions. have you ever wondered how 1 family with 5 kids raised by 2 parents can have 3 that feel blessed and grateful for their upbringing, 1 that holds rage and lashes out and 1 that is a hermit living in a van down by the river?

it’s called perspective and it’s very individual.
and it doesn’t mean they’re right and you’re wrong.

i feel the need to mention here: [for what it's worth] 

we are all just doing the best we can. some of us are trying to figure out our paths and move through our life experiencing some kind of positive emotions. parents included. after all, they are only human. some of us are asleep, don’t think there is a problem or choose to stay angry. parents included.

i definitely did not ever set out to hurt, anger, disappoint or let down my kids, but there are times I have. and although it is not my intention, i may do it again. I also know that my kids are just out there trying to figure out who they are and where they fit in this world. they aren’t out there scheming up a big plan to figure out how to break dear ol’ mother’s heart.  they’re just … well, living.

when we know better, we can do better.

there are moments when you don’t know what’s the matter and will do whatever it takes to stop the pain. and there may be moments when you have an inkling that something big is happening inside, and you just want solutions [this would be a good time to work with someone] and if you work at it, there might come a time you know exactly what you feel, what you need and how best to care for yourself, regardless of what anyone else is doing around you.

this is what we’re aiming for.
extreme self care.
self love.

once you know what pains you and what must change so that the pain will stop, you can take those steps. once you’ve experienced some healing and positive change, it’s very tough to go back to old patterns of crappy behaviour and self-harm. taking care of yourself becomes the kindest thing to do for everyone involved. the more you love and look after your own needs from a point of clarity and knowing and worth, the more gentle and free you become.

set yourself free.


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