My First e-Book: All You Need to Know Today

I started the #BigLoveForGirlsAtRisk blog back in 2011 as a way of writing messages to my clinically depressed and suicidal teenage daughter. They were all the love notes of encouragement that I said, and wanted to say, and the messages I wanted her to clearly hear and ‘get’.

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I was writing for my own catharsis, I guess. As a mother, I felt responsible, helpless and terrified. I was desperate and angry and sad and scared. I just wanted this beautiful kid to see and understand and know that she deserved to be well, she was loved beyond measure and that I believed healing was possible for her.

And I also knew that she had a circle of friends who were also at risk. Feelings of unworthiness and low self-esteem, dangerous behaviour, self-loathing, absent parents, abusive or addictive parents – trying to fit in anywhere, willing to do anything to be loved, seen and accepted.

I saw myself in those beautiful girls. So full of potential, so lonely and unseen and sad and hurting. I saw 14 year old Kim, and 18 year old Kim, and 22 year old Kim… and so I began to write the messages I wanted them to know.

I started to write the BigLove for Girls at Risk blog as a way of letting them know that SOMEONE outside their circle KNEW what they were going through, KNEW how hard they were trying and KNEW that they were LOVABLE. No matter what.

But, I also understand that everyone has their own journey to make.

Not all of us make it through pain and shame and fear unscathed. Some of us don’t have access to healthy support systems, and money for therapy, and a parent or guardian that is healthy and will pull out all the stops to help us heal. We have inherited family trauma and secrets that we don’t feel safe to tell and wounds that keep us fearful and small. We have limited beliefs that keep us stuck and bound by lies and ‘at risk’.

So about 6 months ago, I started to write a book of short encouragements and called it All You Need to Know Today. It’s meant to be bite sized, easy to read, daily love notes for those at risk; reminders of their worth and capacity to recover, and reminders of the power of choice and that there are many good and loving people in the world who are rooting for them to win.

I’m your greatest cheerleader and we may never meet.

This e-book of encouragements is for you from me. It is meant to be shared and sent by emails and links. It is meant to remind you of all the ways you are worthy of joy and healing and happiness. I need to let you know I see you. You matter. You are loved so hard.

The e-book arrives soon. Like, in June soon.

Watch for links and share with those you adore and are cheering for.

xoK

Let Yourself Be Loved

Let Yourself Be Loved

Some of us are love seekers, some of us are hiders.

Avoid the habit of pushing people away who want to love you. Especially when you’re struggling.

I understand that you’re intensely private –
or you don’t want to make a big deal of your current situation –
or you don’t like the attention spotlight on you –
or you don’t feel like you deserve to be loved…

Newsflash! You do. No matter what.

Let the people who want to love you do it.
Let them bring you tea.
Come over just to check on you.
Ask a few inane questions.
Treat you like a little kid.

Love is the thing that gets us through. Try not to push people away.
PS: Solitude is different than isolation.

Let yourself be loved.

10 Positive Instagram Accounts You Should Follow Right Now

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Because no one is going to hand you happy, soul filling, feel good stuff – you’re going to have to hunt it down and grab it yourself.

Don’t wait thinking that happiness, joy and health is something that lands in your lap. Happiness, joy and health are when you seek it, look for it, aim for it, reach for it – just intend for your eyes to be open.

Intend to easily recognize positive things all around you and within you. #intentionsrule

PLEASE … share your favourites IG accounts below in the comments section.

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Decide to Rise

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I know this to be true. Some days, this life shit is hard. But I am challenging you today TO RISE UP and find something to be grateful for – to find some meaning in your pain.

Viktor Frankl was a psychiatrist and neurologist who was captured and put in a Nazi concentration camp during WWII. He saw people giving up and dying all around him and after surviving his experience, he wrote a beautiful book called, “Man’s Search For Meaning.” (Go to your library and GET IT.)

In the book, he talks about the differences between those who survived and those who died. Many were murdered mercilessly, but others who appeared physically strong aslo died, too.

It was his observation that those who could find some way to have faith, connect with others, and find some kind of meaning for this unbearable suffering often outlived those who gave up.

I encourage you to RISE.

Today, I want you to remember that many others before you have suffered far worse treatment and survived to live productive lives. I want to encourage you to sit up straight and DECIDE to RISE.

Reclaim your power.
Find ONE THING to be grateful for.
Look someone ELSE in the eye and let them know that YOU see THEM.

Take the attention off YOU just for today, and CHOOSE TO LIVE this one wild life. I task you with finding a blessing in your suffering today.

“I am learning these painful lessons so that I can understand and help someone else along the way.”

“I am not being tested, I am being strengthened.”

“I am not a victim, I am a survivor.”

Just for today.
Sending you ALL my strength.
Find it.
Feel it.
xoK

You Are Not Broken

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you are not broken

Oh, little sister.
Your thinking is so mixed up.

You believe all the lies and forget your Truth.
Your Light. 

There is no secret eluding you. There is no riddle to solve. No one has your magic answer.

Sometimes shit goes sideways.
Some days you feel low and lonesome.
Maybe you are angry with the world, feel rejected, left out, loathed or broken.
Maybe you don’t feel. 

The Universe is not playing games with you.
God is not vengeful and angry and punishing you. No matter what you’ve been told.
Spirit doesn’t work that way.

You are LOVE.
You were born perfection, your astonishing Light in a tiny body
and you have SIMPLY FORGOTTEN your worth.

You’ve heard judgements passed and criticism given out like black dots on your heart – adopted them as yours; held them close and believed the lies.

You are not broken.
You are not cursed.
You are not being punished.
You are not alone.

You forget who you are.
You forget you are worthy.
You forget you are loved.

Let me remind you now. 

Goodness doesn’t work that way.
Protect your heart with vigilance. Do not let anyone walk in your mind with their dirty feet. Use your wisdom and deep soul knowing to slap away thoughts of worthlessness, suffering and fear.

You deserve miracles.
You are loved.
I am listening.
I see your Light.
I will hold the candle until you find your way.
I am your sister and will not leave.
I will lead until your feet find the way.

Love yourself – just a little bit today.
And a little bit more tomorrow.

Persistence, my sweet. 
xoK

 

 

When Darkness Comes: How to Find the Light

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SWIM IN THE SEA

Things are gonna get hard occasionally.

You’re going to do and say things that hurt someone else.
Or yourself.
You’re going to make choices that backfire.
Bad judgement will rule.
You might be the victim of a crime.

Or heartbreak.

You’re going to squirm in anguish.
It’s gonna hurt. A lot.

You might even be scared; terrified you’ll never recover.

When it’s your fault.
Or someone else’s.

Even if you were watching the storm roll in from a mile away,
or when it bonked you on the head out of the blue.

Darkness will fall.

The clouds will roll in. And shadows will make your world feel thick and grey.

You’ll feel the bone chill of regret.
The agony of loneliness.
The crushing pain of heartache.
The lingering sting of loss.
A smothering sadness.

You’ll find yourself in the dark. Disoriented. 

Turn your attention from judgement.
Practice the appropriate amount of regret.
Surround yourself with allies and advocates.
Focus on love.

Time heals everything. Open your heart to healing.

Be willing to be transformed.

Look for the light.

A candle doesn’t overpower the darkness, it just shows up as light.

There is no magic answer, or miracle cure.

The light is goodness.
Decency.
Kindness.
(to self and others)

Compassion.
Quiet contemplation.
Plans for the better.
A willingness to let go.
To be healed.
To pray.
To believe it can be better.
To believe this too shall pass.

Looking for the light is choosing to put your attention on all that will go right for you.

Because that’s how darkness is.
That’s how storms roll.
The black begins to descend.
The chill comes. And all hell breaks loose. 
Loneliness pervades.
Desperation mounts.
Fear freezes.
Tears fall. 

And then one day, the rain eases up.
The clouds begin to break.
Or dawn appears – at first with faintest hue on the horizon line, then with a glow that brings warmth.

And suddenly, you realize you’re standing in the light.

It’s going to get dark.
Your job will always be to look for the light.

I’m on your side. 
xoK

 

I’ll Believe in You Until You Can Believe In You

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justfine

Even when you feel hopeless.
Even when you’re panicked.
Even when you feel invisible.
Unworthy.
Unlovable.
Even when you take two steps and then slide backwards.
Even when you feel friendless.
Or like a fraud.
Or full of flaws.

I believe in you.
This too shall pass.
Hold on for better moments.
Look for the light.
Say something kind to yourself.
Never forget you are ENOUGH.

 

You matter.
I adore you.
I know you think this sounds like lame bullshit.
But I still believe in you.

 

xoK

Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It

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love yourself

If I could give you one tip – one piece of advice – that will change the way you do everything …

– – – the way you experience people – – –
– – – the way you choose your direction – – –
– – – what kind of treatment you’ll settle for – – –
– – – what kind of activities you’ll pursue – – –

it would be this:

DECIDE to LOVE YOURSELF UNCONDITIONALLY.

You were born to the parents you were born to (accept it). Your DNA is non-refundable. You DO have this eye colour. And that hair colour. You might have freckles or a crooked spine. You’ve determined yourself to be overly emotional. Math is your passion but you keep it hidden. You might believe – he is ‘good enough’ for ‘someone like me’.

Or, worse! You administer self-judgement every time you pass a mirror. Sucking in your belly. Shrivelling to reduce your height. Curling your shoulders to take up less space in the world. Lowering your head to avoid the eyes of others.

I beg you to hear me.
I see you.
I know you.
I was you. 

If you could only see you the way I see you. With your amber freckles and hazel eyes. With your wicked sense of humour and tender generosity. And your brilliant creativity and your heart for justice. And your ‘tiny elfin hands’ – the perfect size for shaping your world.

The sooner you can understand your beauty, your worth, your Divine perfection – a physical manifestation of the Universe’s wisdom and astounding creative capacity to make a perfect creature – the sooner you can get to the business of using your unique brilliance to really BE in this world.

“Self acceptance is your #1 goal in life.
Why? Because for so long as you believe
that there is something unacceptable about you,
you will push away love,
you will sabotage success,
you will unconsciously conspire against joy,
you will struggle,
and you will never find out who you are or
what you are really capable of.”

Dr. Robert Holden, Shift Happens

You are sweet perfection with every single flaw.
Work on self-acceptance. Love yourself like your life depends on it.

Sometimes, with girls at risk, it does.

 

YOU matter.
xoK

What to do when you feel like you don’t have a ‘Crew’

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Photo Created by KindlyKhan deviantart.com

Everybody feels like a square peg in a round hole now and then.

You’re normal. 

If you’ve ever looked around and thought that you were the only one who didn’t have a realm of BFFs to call your own, here’s what you need to remember:

There is nothing wrong with you. You’re going to think there is something fundamentally wrong with your body, your face, your brain or your personality. There isn’t. You are this amazing, beautiful, bright light that is just beginning to find your way in the world. There is nothing wrong with who you are, what you want, and what you look like. THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU.

You are never as alone as you think you are. You’re going to feel like you are totally, utterly, helplessly alone. You’re going to feel like you walk alone in this world and that you’re invisible. That can feel scary. And desperate. And sad.

When you feel this way, try remember that someone, somewhere loves you and is rooting for you to win. This can be hard to do. If that doesn’t work, when you feel totally alone it is MOST important TO HAVE YOUR OWN BACK. Be kind to yourself. Listen to good music. Write in a journal. Plan out all the awesome things you ARE going to do with your life. Dream BIG. Believe that THIS is temporary. Pray, if that’s your thing. (Prayers can’t hurt.) You are NEVER as alone as you think you are.

Your tribe IS out there, somewhere. In some ways, you’re in the most challenging time of your life. Being a teen or young adult is not for wussies. Especially, if you feel like you have no one who likes you or understands you.

But one day, you’re going to meet someone – or a little pod of someones who speak your language. You’re going to discover that your people do exist – and that they were looking FOR YOU. And you’re going to forget what it feels like to have ever been lonely. Your peeps are out there. Keep your chin up so you can see them when they show up. Sometimes, your peopel show up as a surprise.

You have an advantage over all the cookie cutters.  You are unique, one of a kind – dare I say – special. You are developing resiliency. And courage. And you’re going to know exactly how to treat people so they feel welcome and appreciated and seen and heard.

Your grand advantage will be that you will NEVER intentionally make people feel lonely or irrelevant. You will be wiser than others your age. Your so-called ‘lonely’ years will be fuel for a jet-powered life of risk and reward and tests and successes. You won’t be scared to try it out on your own, because you’ve already done the hard stuff alone.

Be kind to yourself. There will be days that you feel like you’re in a slow punishing hell of solitude and loneliness. The last thing you need is to dump yourself in cruel self-rejection.

Be your own best friend. Get comfortable alone. Print off this PDF filled with COOL affirmations made by ALL KINDS OF OTHER PEOPLE who love you too! 2016_Affirmations Put them on your mirror, on your wall, in your journal and in your pocket. Read them often.

Learn to love who you are. You’ve got so much to offer.

Hang in there, little sister.
YOU ARE LOVED. And you are loveable.
xoK

10 Things You Need to Be Reminded of Today…

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bad dayBad day? Feeling off? Frustrated with yourself?
Here are 10 things you need to be reminded of today.

10) Things always look better in the morning. Have a relaxing bath or shower, pick out your favourite book or that cheesey romantic comedy DVD and get under the blankets. The stuff that seems larger than life when the world is dark, seems much more manageable when the sun is coming up. I’m not saying sleep your life away or just give up and live in bed – – – but a good 9 hours of restful sleep will work magic in your world. Get some sleep, dear one.

9) Fresh air and a walk will likely make you feel better. Lace up your sneakers and power walk your way around the block. Or get on your bike and change up your scenery. Run/walk to the corner store to buy a pack of gum. Call a friend and walk around the pond while the ducks feed. Moving your body gets your blood flowing and actually changes your brain chemistry for the better. Exercise makes you feel better. It’s science. Proven. You can hate it, but it doesn’t make it any less true.

8) Snuggle up with something furry. Cuddle your fur baby. Play fetch. Or put a tin foil bow on the end of a string and watch your cat go bonkers. Having a pet is reassuring and heartwarming. Knowing they love you for you feels good. Love ’em back.

7) Writing down your thoughts and feelings clears your head. Journaling is like dumping the trash in your brain. Pick a pretty note book up at a bookstore, or a Dollarstore and a package of gel pens and go nuts. Make plans. Dream. Write out the worries. Angry words or heartbreak. Your wishes. And prayers. Your writing doesn’t have to be perfect. It can be chunks of nonsense, terrible spelling and poor grammar. SO?! It’s YOUR book. Hide it between the mattresses in your bed for safe-keeping.

6) You can always take a break and come back to it. When you’re struggling with a decision or situation or problem, it often helps to walk totally away from it and come back to it later with fresh eyes. Allow yourself to be distracted. Be willing to walk away from whatever your brain is fixed on and know you can come back to it later. Trust me, the big shit ain’t goin’ anywhere. And if it’s little shit, it might even sort itself out while you’re away.

5) You don’t have to have all the answers today. Your life isn’t a race. You’re not in competition with anyone. No one is going to give you a D+ if you don’t have your life figured out today. Or tomorrow. Or next year. All those things meant for you will not pass you by. Know this: most of us adults don’t have a clue what we’re doing from day to day. Cut yourself some slack and be willing to be led – or fly by the seat of your pants. You’re young. You’re absolutely capable. You’ll figure it out when you figure it out.

4) It’s not as bad as you think it is. It rarely is. There are things that feel like the end of the world – – until the next big thing comes along and puts all the little troubles in perspective. There are going to be moments that knock the wind out of you. Yes, life hurts, sometimes. But, perspective is everything. Label yourself a survivor. Resilient. The star quarterback. You’ve. got. this. Decide to rise.

3) You’re lovable NO. MATTER. WHAT. You still don’t get it, do you? There is nothing you have done or could do that reduces your inherent worth. You matter because you’re here. You’re lovable because you just are. Even when you’re PMSing and gorging on chocolate. And drank too much and then threw up in the tub. And can’t make a decision without consulting ten people (you will one day). And cry so easily. And were violated. And are depressed. And feel worthless. Oh, dear one, it’s so hard to believe, but I would NEVER lie to you. You are lovable. Always. Every day. No matter what.

2) You’re doing a great job at Life. There is no rule book for what we’re doing here. Explore. Make a mess. Clean it up. Laugh. Have an adventure. Change jobs til you find the right one. Pick a new major. Take the class over. Decide to wait for the right one. Listen to your body and honor what it tells you. Experiment (safely and with great self-respect.) Whatever you’re doing today, WELL DONE! I couldn’t have done it any better myself. You’re doing a great job. I’m proud of you. Keep up the good work.

1) Pat yourself on the back once in a while. Kiddo … sweetheart … babydoll. You’re so dang hard on yourself. No one judges you like you do. Do me a favour and just darn well congratulate yourself on getting this far in your life. Everyday that you wake up and get your pants on and get out the door on time, YOU’RE WINNING. Be kinder to yourself. Give yourself a break. Roll with the punches. Go with the flow. And remember you’re doing everything perfectly for where you’re at today. Recognize how far you’ve come.

Love you, little sister.
Take it easy on yourself.
xoK

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