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i’ve spent the last 15 years trying to ‘fix myself’

i’ve read scads of books, magazines, blog posts, and articles.
i’ve done workbooks, worksheets, filled a half dozen journals with personal thoughts, observations, acknowledgements and fears.
i’ve walked, i’ve ran,
done therapy,

yoga, reiki, naturopathy, infra-red sauna

and *attempted* diets.

i’ve determined my archetypes,
done The Work (which I still do now and then – not enough – I love it.)

i’ve done spiritual work,
psychological work,
family of origin work,
addiction work,
birth order work,
body image work,
grief work

i’ve sorted my baggage, aired out my dirty laundry, shone the light on my demons and made amends whenever possible.

i’ve spent thousands of dollars in the name of self-improvement,
in an attempt to heal myself – make myself ‘better.’

(by the way – it was all worth it. after all – it brought me to you!)

danielle laporte (who, mark my words, is preparing to launch into supernova-dom with rainbow sparkles and angel wings) writes in her blogSelf improvement infers there’s something wrong with you, so you’re already starting off with a disadvantage.”

this, my sweet friend, is secret #1

there is NOTHING wrong with you.
nor has there ever been.

there is absolutely nothing wrong with your body, your mind, your spirit, choices, actions, behaviors, moods. you’ve been exactly who you needed to be to get you to where you are now. (do you need me to say that one again?)

you are sweet, flawed perfection … a mess of contradictions, blubbering mishaps, self-doubts, stellar intention, foolish choices and belly laughs. 
just like the rest of us.

you are, right this moment, positioned for your own …
success … 
(i know it will take time to convince you, but promise me you’ll work at allowing it) 

which brings me to secret #2

you are your own champion. hero. guru. savior. healer.

there is no one else that holds the key to your peace / joy / fulfillment / satisfaction / healing / happiness / self love.

it’s you.

i’ve spent years seeking my answers, permission, self-worth from someone or something else. all along i believed that if i just cracked enough books, read enough articles, set enough goals and said enough affirmations – had the right job, the right relationship, the perfect body, i’d feel my own curse lift.

there has been value in seeking – i’ve learned how to identify my emotions, use words to articulate and found affirmation.

but the most valuable conclusion i’ve come to – is that it’s all up to me.
and i can do it.

and if i can do it –
leave an abusive relationship, 
manage illness,
grieve losses, 
achieve goals,
become healthier day by day,
beat addiction,
get off welfare,
make choices that alter my destiny
and develop deep faith.

i know you can, too.
i just do.

* hands down, the most influential bodies of work that allowed me to affect the greatest changes in my life – if I had to choose – are: In the Meantime by Iyanla VanZant and The Work by Byron Katie – however, Danielle Laporte, her Firestarter Sessions (wait for the book!) and White Hot Truth rate right up there. sweet permission.