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you didn’t have a choice

a precious innocent baby girl
with red headed fire and chipmunk cheeks

i birthed you into this life
and abandoned you at the feet of someone who
stepped on you

who transferred his hatred of me
to you:
you little dizzy cunt bitch whore slut

you didn’t do anything to deserve it
and i gave you to him
to mold
and shape
and smash into pieces

how could i?

excuses flood me
i was scared to keep you from him
i thought you loved him
i thought you would see who he truly was
and learn to ‘handle it’

but you couldn’t handle it

you shut down
hiding inside
terrified
and built a wall
to protect yourself

its not all my fault
but it
all
my
fault

i gave my baby to someone who
hated themself and
spewed that hate all over my baby

leaving a broken
hopeless
girl

left alone
at 3
at 7
at 9
at 15
at 17

abandoned
at his feet
to do with as he pleased

i’m sorry
isn’t enough
just one more way you’ve been let down

born into it
left to figure out your own way

its god’s blessing that you were born
with red headed fire and amber eyes

i sense a crumbling of your wall
as the pieces of you begin to fall
like then, but now, i can’t prevent your pain

you were born into it

its not my fault
but its all
my fault

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