they were best friends in junior high, sharing secrets and favourite songs and quiet hysterical laughter in the dark of night. there was a common thread of dysfunction that sewed them together – an understanding of what it feels like to never be enough, to wallow, to blame. they wore black, and lamented unfairness and pinky swore they’d never part.
then one girl grew up.
she stayed in school, tried to heal, sought help with her despair and graduated with plans for a future outside the present. she began to distance herself in the friendship, choosing positivity, and working on self-love. she started to form new friendships and eventually, completely broke up the friendship.
deserted, abandoned, and mad, the one that felt left sought revenge. she spread rumours and called her names like slut and whore and little bitch. she sent text messages and facebook messages (until she was blocked), threatening to ‘make her pay.’
one year later, she was still showing up at night, drunk and yelling, banging on the windows, and scratching the paint on her car. one year later.
now, re-read the story again and pretend one of those involved is a man.
if a man continued to exhibit signs of anger, hostility and revenge, one year after a break up, people would take it very seriously. it’s not okay.
girls bullying girls
break ups are break ups. but most relationships end and people move on and eventually find a way to deal with the hurt.
in circumstances when a relationship ends and harrassment ensues – be it via email, phone, text, in person, at work, or at your home – you must SEEK HELP.
tell someone. and keep telling someone until they take you seriously.
in this day and age of zero-tolerance, anti-bullying, we must ALL walk the talk.
if we say we will protect those who are being bullied and trampled and mistreated, then we must listen and respond when they call for our help.
we are being called to turn on our ears – to listen for clues and then ask questions to clarify and understand. at that time, we can determine if we can advocate or need to intervene.
if you feel pushed, bullied, and hated on, tell someone. and keep telling someone until you’re heard. go to a parent, or a friend’s parent – an adult you trust, be it a teacher, a school counselor, or an older sister or brother. maybe it is an aunt or a neighbour, or a music teacher or a former brownie leader – or a grandpa or grandma.
or maybe you need to go right to the police.
i suggest you keep copies of texts or emails, or voice messages. know your dates and keep track of those occurances so that you can show examples of what you’re going through.
what you’re enduring is not okay. not from a man. and not from a woman.
keep telling people until you tell the right one.
sometimes adults are slow to respond but it’s because we brush it off as kid’s stuff, or we don’t know how bad it really is hurting you, or because we don’t think we should get involved.
ask for help.
keep talking about it.
go high up the chain of command.
go right to the mother-effin’ top.
i guaran-fucken-tee you that if one year after a break up your ex-boyfriend was showing up at your work acting ridiculous, or sending nasty texts and making you feel unsafe, no one would tolerate it. your parents would be on board and the police would be on him making it clear he needs to find a new hobby. STAT.
it should be no different with girls.
i’m all about equality.
and big love.